big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
