sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
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