You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
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