You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
