sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
