I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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