i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
