So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
