You just made me feel so damn special
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
