How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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