I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
