I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
