The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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