you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Sext me about skeletons
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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