I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Randomize
