Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Randomize
