she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Randomize
