In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
