He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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