also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
