If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
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