Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I just gift wrapped bread.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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