woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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