It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
