Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
