she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
