Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
