We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Randomize
