You really coming over, don't trick.
She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
