Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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