theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
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