either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
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