imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
