Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
