Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
