if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Randomize
