then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
He had one of those small greek statue penises
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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