so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Randomize
