Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
