I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Randomize
