I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
