I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
