I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
