one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Randomize
