there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
