awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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