So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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