Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Randomize
