so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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