Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
