How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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