oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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