I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
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